You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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