Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize