There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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