You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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