Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
