i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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