I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
