You smell like a Billy Joel song
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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