Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
