how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
