please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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