alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How does one acquire holy water?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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