just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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