Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
