he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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