if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
