Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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