She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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