Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
