I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
