I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They are going to name an STD after you.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
