R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
