someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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