I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
