My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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