I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
