how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
