I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
