Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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