I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
