Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
