My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
