Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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