So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
