Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
