Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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