I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
