I want to have your abortion
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We left the knife in your bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
