I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
