I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
