My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my phone needs a breathalizer
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
