In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
