If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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