Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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