It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
