I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He called his prostate his "boner button".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
