guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
