a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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