i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
