Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
