dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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