i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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