Rock
Scissors
Fuck
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
