If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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