I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This baby is an asshole
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
