if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
