Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
