its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
