do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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