just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
