D3 body, D1 cock
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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