I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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