So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
