Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize