Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
