Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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